I leave myself vulnerable and open for many critics on the internet (and people I know in person, even some who I considered close friends). When I see people in person who say, “I read your blog the other day…” I wonder if they are going to be honest with me about their thoughts or feed me flattery. Some people end up opening up to me in response; telling me things that they have gone through, and I love that. A lot of people appreciate my openness and the ones who seem to not understand it tend to keep it to themselves or try to rip me apart on the net (this includes people I’ve spent time with in person).
I don’t pretend to have it all together, because I don’t have it all together.
I consider how many bloggers seem to have little words and leave dreamy photos to make their life depictions seem like a faerytale.
Who are they really? What do they hold back? How are they suffering? Many hide it all with their smiles and materialism.
I am raw.
I am real.
I come with frustrations; I come with much joy; I come with great peace, and I come with heavy burdens. All of that I leave at the feet of my King, Jesus Christ, and when I decide to share it here with others, it is because it helps me feel more of a release of my burdens. I recently found out that I think WHILE speaking, and that includes while typing. I would love to be one who thinks before I speak, and lately I have improved greatly in that area. I get that not everyone is going to understand me. They’re not all supposed to.
I’ve learned to sift.
As people try to proclaim their hateful words to me or attempt to misjudge me or break me down because they don’t like my opinion differing from theirs, I have found that sometimes my life involves a sense of panning for gold. There will be a lot of junk in my pan and dirt and grit and fool’s gold, but as I continue to seek God through His Word, and as I continue to meet people or learn about others, there might be some grand gold nuggets I’ll come across. This is why I sift. And I sift. . .
“ In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him.Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” -1 Peter 1:6-9