hawaiiandream1thumb hawaiiandream2thumb hawaiiandream8thumb[Outfit Details: Dress – Modcloth | Shoes – Tilly’s | Flower hairclip – Lila-Jo | Necklace – Vintage (it was my mom’s)]

A lot of people don’t understand WHY I believe in Jesus.  The truth is I developed very bad partial deafness in both of my ears when I was about a year and a half old.  My mom thinks it was because I slept near an old radiator.  I tend to think it was from 2nd hand smoke from my dad.  Whatever speech I developed or words I may have been learning, all of that became null & void really (most children can’t speak until they are 2-3 years old).  I’ve been told by many people that I “remember everything” and sometimes it creeps them out that I can remember details of what people were wearing when and what smells were about during that time.  I associate a lot of my memory with sight and smells and I think it is because I spent a few years without having the ability to hear.

What did I hear? Muffled sounds.  Nothing was clear.  The way I heard things is the way that I spoke (I did see 1 brief video recording of me at the age of 2 – but I haven’t seen that since I was 8, and I don’t know if they even have those recordings anymore – I’m 29 now).  It was pretty bad.  I failed all my hearing tests time and time again.  My brothers became my personal translators for my own mom.  People constantly tried to teach me how to speak.  Children stayed away from me. I ran around all over the place and I was loud and making noises they didn’t understand and they certainly couldn’t relate to me.  No one played with me unless my mom’s friends had kids my age and they were told to be nice to me.  I saw many children point and laugh at me.  Have you ever heard what it sounds like to hear people laugh underneath water?  You can’t even tell they are laughing. . just more noises that don’t make sense.  That’s how I heard things.  I felt vibrations easily and loved the water probably because it comforted me and it was the sound of how I heard things anyway.  I had to wear bathing caps and had earplugs made to fit my ears so that I could go under the water (though my mom was hesitant about me doing that since you really are not supposed to do that after tubal surgery which I had at about 3 or 4 years of age – I could tell you details about the hospital and my time from the day and day after of surgery).

I was a sickly child with constant fevers, colds, and ear infections that I eventually became so accustomed to that I’d act like a “normal” healthy child but a doctor would check me and say I had a double infection.  What my mom didn’t know is that in the middle of the night I’d often wince in pain and would hit my ears and slam my head as hard as I could against my pillow while fighting the tears.  I suppose I attempted to be brave.  My mom was so flustered about it all the time that she’d pray over me every day, bring me to people to pray over me, or would bring me up to speakers at church in hopes that they could heal me.  I didn’t like strange people I didn’t know touching my ears all the time.

When I was in pre-kindergarten at age 4/5, I started getting speech therapy.  I just remember sitting in a small room with a nice teacher (she had a kind smile) and about 2 or 3 other children in the room with me.  I didn’t even know what they had problems with (later on I found out they only had lisps or stutters and that I was the gigantic challenge), I didn’t even know why I was in that class. I didn’t know anything.  I just sat there and sat there and saw my teacher moving her lips wide while making noises.  I didn’t know what she wanted me to do.  She eventually told my mom I was a hopeless case and would never be able to speak properly.  I guess my mom never thought about getting me an implant or anything to help my hearing, as I never had it shown to me or anything, unless it was the next step since the speech therapist said there was nothing to help me and the ear doctor always seemed extremely disappointed in me when I’d take a test (but fail).  My parents had no money as it was, so it was hard for my mom while my dad never seemed involved or concerned in my “problem”.

I had a dream during a “nap time” (my mom put me down for naps until I was 6).  In my dream was a man who was of brownish skin tone and gentle eyes.  He was so kind to me and understanding.  He didn’t touch my ears like everyone else seemed to do.  Somehow, I could hear him without a problem.  He told me who he was. . . Jesus.  He let me know that He had always been with me and would always be with me.  He said, “I’ve healed your ears. You also can speak. Don’t be afraid.”  I remember feeling so warm and happy with Him.  The sound of His voice was the greatest thing to hear.  It was the first thing I had heard consciously and clearly in my life.  It is the greatest sound ever.  I was in a wonderfully scented meadow, but I don’t think it was heaven at all.  I was too focused on Him to really know where I was.  I woke up.  My first instinct was to see my mom.  I remember running down the stairs with a huge smile on my face.  I faced the kitchen table after exiting the stairwell and my mom was sitting there with her Bible (which was also constant, though I didn’t know what a Bible was).  I said perfectly, “Jesus healed my ears!!! He healed me! He healed my ears!!!”  My mom ran over to me in shock and in amazement.  She was overjoyed and kept praising God and proclaiming “Hallelujah” and “Praise Jesus!” She called all her friends to let them know that her prayers were answered.  She told everyone of the miracle.

When I went back to school, my speech therapist was so amazed and in shock that she went yelling down the hallways exclaiming to everyone that a miracle had happened and told people that Jesus had healed me without a doubt.  I went from being a failure to being instantly graduated from the program.  My therapist documented the miracle.  When I went to my hearing testing and finally could hear the little beeps of the sounds to put blocks into a bucket while sitting in a little sound booth room with headphones on.  I passed with flying colors and no longer needed to go to the ear doctor again.

No one had to tell me who Jesus was, I met Him.  No one could ever tell me Jesus doesn’t exist.  I met him.  No one could ever say that the impossible cannot happen. I’m proof of that.  If people want to disprove my miracle, they can’t.  It is like the blind man in the Bible who Jesus healed. People asked him question after question about who did it and why and he could only exclaim, “I was blind, now I see.” (John 9)

Since my healing, I never doubted God’s existence.  I never had faith issues like many people I know (which kills me so much to see, though I am hopeful for them in their search).  I have seen many ways that Jesus has shown Himself to me (though not  physically again like in my childhood).  I can hear and talk because people need to know He is real and that He is alive no matter how much you want to disprove Him.  Why did He choose me? That’s not the point at all!  I believe God’s glory has been revealed through it, and that is why it happened (for Him). I do believe in the power of prayer for I have witnessed the effects of it (and am an effect of it).  I do believe that Jesus gave me a reason to hear and speak: to proclaim His gospel and His kingdom to all people!  It is because I am not ashamed of Him.  It is because I know He is real.  My purpose in life is to serve and glorify Him forever, so I will do that.  No one forced me to.  No one told me I should.  I didn’t have to “say a prayer” to get into the system, I just need to be willing to allow Him to be effective in my life TODAY and not disregard all He gives to me EVERY DAY, which is so much!  I know He is real and I want to live that out.  Did I deserve such healing? Absolutely not at all.  He chose to do it though and I thank Him so much for doing so!  I have met a couple people who had the exact same hearing loss I had and they have hearing aides and cannot talk too well at all, and as a pre-teen in meeting these people I asked God, “Why can’t you do that for them too?”  I cannot fully understand the mysteries of God, but I do know that He is real and worth all praise.
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Join the conversation! 19 Comments

  1. I really like this dress on you. Probably one of my favorites ever.

  2. Wow,, what an amazing post! A very detailed story, I don’t doubt that you have an excellent memory. I am glad that you are okay, being in pain as a child is the worst, I always felt terrible for my little brothers when they were sick and miserable. I fully understand your love for god from this post too!

  3. Your quote “but I do know that He is real and worth all praise.” is so TRUE. The Lord has given you a true testament to share with the world. He is worthy to be praised. Thanks you for stopping by and sharing a little of your uncles missionary work with me – greatly appreciate it!

  4. Thanks for sharing your testimony!

    What a pretty dress!! 🙂 Too bad Modcloth doesn’t have it any more. 😦

  5. Thank you so much for sharing this story, Victoria! I’m going to share it on my Twitter! This story is incredible and miraculous. I wish I had known it sooner, because this really helps me to be reminded of Jesus’ power. I can be too caught up in today’s problems that I forget about how my old problems were solved and taken away from me. I told Rob your story, and I knew he was going to react how he usually reacts when hearing about miraculous healing. Although he was happy for you, he just doesn’t want to believe others’ healing stories because he himself hasn’t been healed and knows in his heart that he is a follower of Christ. I believe in miraculous healing. My parents believe that my being alive after my mom’s pregnancy was a miracle. The doctor suggested abortion, because he was almost certain that i wasn’t going to make it—either that or my mom wasn’t going to make it. They became Christians right around the time my mother was pregnant with me, and their faith has never been stronger after seeing that I was alive after my mom’s delivery. If i had consciousnessness then like you did when you were partially deaf, I probably would’ve had a stronger faith in an early age. Maybe. However, I know there are SO many other miracles, big or small (blessings) that I get throughout my life, and those things should be enough proof of his existence. But thank you for sharing this!

    Your dress is just gorgeous. The blue has a great shade. Probably my favorite shade of blue. You are beautiful!

    75% off at Modcloth? Wow. How much did you end up paying for it, if you don’t mind? I am incredibly thrifty, and I take into account the shipping cost of everything even when something is on sale.


    • Rachel,
      I’ll be honest, that I have known many who believe it isn’t fair that Jesus heals some, while another suffers. I think about the scripture where Jesus says, “Blessed is the pure in heart, for they will see God.” I believe I was pure in heart at that time, and since children are said by Jesus, “Theirs is the Kingdom of heaven,” I believe that did have some portion of why I was also healed. I have known many people who have died, some whom I loved very much. My God-mother suffered from breast cancer twice, was able to get through it after a decade of fighting, and she ended up dying a couple years ago from Ovarian cancer. We all hoped she’d get through it, but she loved big while in her suffering and cared so much for the people in her life, and she would go out to prisons and sing to people and minister to them regardless of her own suffering because they meant so much to her. I don’t know if your husband Rob is focusing much on himself through his issue, but keep in mind I was partially deaf for a few years, so it wasn’t as if I had instant healing right after receiving my deafness – my mom prayed for a few years and watched me live in pain throughout that time in various ways. I think that if I were still partially deaf now, I would at least hope that I could use it as a way to help others and not be bitter about it ever.

      Your Rob can continue to pray and serve and worship Christ regardless of his suffering. If Jesus does not heal him, it isn’t like he did anything wrong to deserve it, it is just that with sin being in the world in general, there is going to be sicknesses, hunger, death, slavery, oppression, and war. These are not good things at all, but that doesn’t mean that Jesus is not there helping people who are effected by each of these things and revealing Himself to them. I pray that Rob will focus on Jesus, and not on his sufferings and that he will celebrate when he finds out that people are healed and not be bitter or jealous, for these are not good things (I’m not saying he has these feelings since I don’t know what his mind is thinking, but these can happen to many people who do go through things). While Rob is able to walk and talk and hear and drive and have a roof over his head and clothes on his body, there may be others out there who would be upset that he has them and they don’t. . .there is always someone worse off and always someone who has been healed. My husband Rob’s dad has been paralyzed from a spinal tumor. . he hasn’t been able to walk for 23 years and has been in and out of hospitals because of infections and nearly died a couple of times. . .he couldn’t spend time with his children for years or play with them (same with grandchildren now), yet he has NEVER complained EVER (his own wife and children will say this too) and doesn’t get upset ever when he hears about miracles, but is so thankful about being alive. I’ve prayed that he finds healing, though he is able to find joy while going through what he did. . he lost a very well paying job and still, he took it as it was dealt to him. Your husband is incredibly blessed! My father-in-law is incredibly blessed! He could have died but Jesus allowed him to live, even if it is only with half of his body. . .for he still has his mind and his voice and his heart (although he almost died from a heart attack a few months ago, and had only use of half of his heart but Jesus healed him and he has full use again, so glory to Him still)!

      We definitely ALL have much to be thankful for and forget to thank Him for everything. The fact that I have the ability to type is something to be thankful for. The fact that I can jump is something to be thankful for. If I were partially deaf (again), I know it would be really hard to go through again, but I would thank Him for allowing me to have the years I did to hear, for I everything I am is His and everything I am is for Him, even if parts of me are taken away. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalm 73:26.

      As for your story about how you were able to be delivered at birth without a problem and that your parents did not abort you, that definitely is a beautiful miracle story! The fact that you are alive at all is a miracle! I rejoice that I know you and that you live and are healthy! I rejoice in Him for bringing you into this world and helping your family find Him through the event as well! I am sure that was a scary time for your parents to not know the outcome of your health while you were in the womb. He truly knit you together beautifully!!

      As for the dress. . .I think the original price was $125 so whatever 75% off of that is, that is what I paid (I’m seriously bad at math).

      • Oh my, I thought I replied to this extensively! I definitely read this reply right away. When I checked to see if you had replied back, that’s when I realized I didn’t write anything! Grrr. Maybe it didn’t go through, or I was typing then I shut my computer down.

        Anyway, I thought of what you said the other day when my Rob was complaining about his health and how he wanted to just be dead. It is true that there are so many others who are in much worse condition. Rob is married, he is loved by me and his family, he can talk, he can eat, he can sleep, he has a home. It’s 100% better than the guy who doesn’t have all those things.

        I think about what others don’t have when I think about my losses myself. It helps to know people who are in need, and currently, that is my family right now. My brother, his wife, and two young boys are practically homeless right now. I didn’t even know about it until this week. They go to the gym to get their showers. It made me cry. It made me feel really thankful for my situation, and I think that helped Rob think about his blessings as well.

      • About your brother and his family, that is truly sad. Do you know of anyone who has room in their home for them to stay at for now? I know you don’t have your own place at the moment yourself to be able to invite them in. I am glad that they are sticking together though this hard time. I’m sorry you only just found out about it too!

      • My parents are offering their place for them to stay, but his wife doesn’t want to move in with them. I would be inclined to move in with them, like how my brother is inclined to take their offer as well. However, both our spouses know how my parents are with giving and taking, asking favors in exchange for favors, and guilt tripping. My Rob and my sister-in-law have seen the pattern that we grew up in with my parents, and they don’t think it’s healthy. I don’t think it is either. I told my brother to listen to his wife, because it seems as if God put both our spouses in our lives to protect us and his kids from my parents. My parents are loving, but they have that tendency to be like that, and it’s quite toxic (silent killer) to our relationship. No amount of confrontation has seemed to change them.

        So, I don’t know what my brother is to do now. I told him to listen to his wife, so in a way, I just continued his being homeless. I’m afraid for them, but I am hopeful that God will take care of them somehow, without having to stay with my parents. I know it sounds so prideful or confusing, but I think you would understand if you were to see how my parents really are beneath their kind presence. Still praying for them.

      • Ah, so they use a bit of manipulation and control while your brother and his family would be in his care, and that could make matters terrible. I can understand then why you would side with his wife on that matter. I think men tend to want the best for their family, so that would include having shelter while he can have it, but yeah, that would so stink to have to be in a predicament like that!! I guess he has no friends or other family members who are willing to help them out temporarily either? 😦

  6. Thank you for sharing this with us. You’re so blessed to have such an unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

  7. Wow, a true miracle indeed!! I have been thinking about this since yesterday and I’m still appalled that the other children were so cruel to you at such a young age. I thought 2 year olds just played with whomever was around and find it really sad that children were so mean to you growing up, although clearly you seem to use it to show kindness to more children now. Also, that is incredible you remember all of that. It saddens me sometimes that I hardly remember things from elementary school and really nothing at all before it, but that’s a side point – you can hear- yay!! and have a beautiful voice now that I’ve heard from your singing!

    • oh and you do look lovely in this pretty dress as well 🙂

    • Well, I got made fun of at 4 for my speech mainly. Their laughter seemed friendly to me until I realized their laughter was in mockery, not in happiness of being with me. I had a HARDER time NOT being deaf than I did in being deaf! Once I could hear and speak, then I realized the cruel words people spoke and it continued on throughout my school years. . .to this day even, but thankfully now I have some people in my life who uplift me and encourage me. . back then I only had my mom. Thanks for reading and commenting on all these.

      • You’re most certainly welcome Victoria! I always appreciate your comments very much and surely want to support you and leave comments to such heartfelt moments you’re sharing so openly. it still pains me that children and even people now have said such cruel things to you, like you commented on my post people calling you ugly for being a tomboy growing up. i was a huge tomboy and always wore baggy shorts and shirts and while i never felt pretty until high school, fortunately had kind friends who never said mean things to me and just played sports with the all boys.

      • Aw. I am glad you had good friends to support you! That’s wonderful! That is nice that you were able to play sports with all the guys and that they accepted you so well! That’s quite a blessing!
        I think I mainly got called ugly because I was “the weird girl” and if they called me pretty, they’d be afraid of being made fun of too. That’s my observation of things. I think I didn’t know how to relate to most girls so they didn’t really want to be my friend (and I didn’t dress like them and I hated barbies and such), and I think the boys did find me beautiful but stayed away because they, like stated, didn’t want to be mocked – so calling me “ugly” made them popular and liked. I had a boyfriend for over 5 months in 5th grade who broke up with me simply because he was mocked constantly for it and couldn’t take it anymore, feeling much pressure.

  8. oh and you do look lovely in this pretty dress as well : )


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About Victoria / Justice Pirate

Victoria. Anabaptist, Wife of Rob, Mom of two boys, minimalist, quilt maker, Resources Adviser/Social Media Manager for anti-human trafficking awareness organization Justice Network (justice-network.org).


1940s, 1940s hairstyles, 40s, about, about me, blogger, bloggers, childhood, Christian, Christian blogger, christianity, clothes, clothing, dress, facts, fashion, flower hairclip, God, hair, hairstyle, Jesus, Justice Pirate, lila-jo, long hair, marvelous things, modcloth, modest fashion, mother, outfit, outfits, photoshoot, prayer, questions, reality, vintage


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