[Movie Ratings are on a scale of 1-5.  Anything rated over 3 stars and is in bold, is usually a pretty good rating (5 star ratings are very rare with me)! –  Content is listed for those who are careful about what they or their children view (or what to be aware of). I usually rate based on content, plot, photography/direction, and acting.]

Turbo 2013 (animated w/ voices of Ryan Reynolds, Paul Giamatti, Michael Pena, Luis Guzman, Samuel L. Jackson, and Bill Hader) – 3.25 stars – A garden snail obsessed with watching race cars longs to race himself.  His brother just wants to work well in the tomato garden at home with the other garden snails.  When Theo aka “Turbo” has an accident that alters his life forever, he comes across other snails who love to race and finds people who hope to make a better living and believe in the little snail to help. This was definitely unique and pretty cute, and certainly unrealistic, but funny. A lot of it had similarities to the movie Cars, though the plot and subject matter are different. It was truly adorable though and teaches us to “not give up”.
content:: mocking, some immodesty, accidental chemical alteration, a snail beating a bird up, smack talk (cleanly done), putting people in danger of death and destroying personal property, snails smacking one another, a lady tries to kick a guy around, flirting between some snailsTurbofilm

My Babysitter’s a Vampire 2010 (w/ Matthew Knight, Atticus Dean Mitchell, Vanessa Morgan, and David Wotner) – 1.5 stars – When a high school teen pretty much fails at watching his own kid sister, he is grounded from watching her and a baby sitter his same age is hired instead to care for the sister (and even to keep a little eye on him if possible).  He’s pretty mortified about this fact.  A new teen hit vampire movie (made in mockery of Twilight) comes out and is all the rage in school.  However, there may be a lot of truth to the tale of vampires when the babysitter gets caught biting on a rat’s neck!  This was beyond cheesy!  This was terrible and filled with bad acting!  I actually laughed while watching it (the story, not laughing in having fun while watching it).  It was a poor decision on my part to want to see it. Don’t do what I did! It was a waste of time.
content: kissing, guys and girls checking out in a lustful manner of the opposite gender (all are modestly dressed from what I could tell), talk about making out, people biting people’s neck, blood shown, talk about hickies, young women being called “babes” and males being called “pervs”, talk about murder and soul stealing (and this is shown but without gore), fighting, kicking, a fork is shown sticking out of someone’s head, people being electrocuted, people evaporate forever like it isn’t a big deal, mocking people, language: small “a” word used, kids shown at a party holding plastic cups (but it is mentioned that no alcohol is there)

The Place Beyond the Pines 2012 (w/ Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendes, Ray Liotta, Rose Byrne, Mahershala Ali) – 2.75 stars – The movie begins where we see a tattooed guy in what seems to be the early 1990s.  Luke works at an amusement attraction as a motorcycle stuntman who rides in a sphere with two other guys.  He finds out he has a son he didn’t know he had with a woman he sees each year while on his tour.  He is very sad that he had no idea even though he didn’t stay in touch with the mother of his child.  He wants to be good for his son so he starts robbing banks to help his son and the woman he has fallen for. When a cop crosses paths with Luke, the cop’s thoughts go crazy and he doesn’t know how to handle everything.  This then goes into the story of Luke’s son and the cop’s son too.  It was far too long.  I am sure they could have shortened it up a lot, It was filled with too much bad language in it or I probably would have liked it a bit more.  Although the story was pretty interesting at times, I was bored.  I don’t like when movies make me bored (yes, I have ADD and movies usually work out fine for me) :: sigh ::  It was a sad movie. There were barely any happy scenes at all, in honesty!  I don’t do depressing movies too well.  I also don’t do movies with drug content too well at all.  I wanted to like this movie and I was actually pretty excited to see it when I heard about it, because it seemed unique – but I’m left feeling kinda empty afterwards.
content: man shown without a shirt on, smoking, woman’s nipples shown through a shirt (she has no bra on), a baby is born out of wedlock (they are not shown doing anything sexual at all together previously), baby baptism shown (Christ, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit mentioned), a man holds up a banks with a gun and robs them,  a man hits another man with a monkey wrench in the face (blood and wound shown), Unwed couple are shown in a bed together (it is a close up of them unclothed. there are pin-ups on a wall but you can’t see them as they are very blurred in the background but you know what they are, You can see that the man’s hand is covering the breast of the woman as he holds her), kissing,  shooting (blood shown), a man falls out of a window (lots of blood shown), popping oxycontin, kids smoke pot, kids caught with Ecstasy, a teen boy is in the shower (we see his chest and his boxers on), a teen boy is definitely high on drugs, teens get into a fight and one is punched up badly, a father forcefully holds his teenage son, a teen girl unbuttons a teen boy’s shirt while straddling him, deceit, partying/drinking (drunkenness), language: lots of the “f” word (too many to count), small and big “a” word, “s” words, “p” word, Jesus’/God’s name used in vain

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters 2013 (w/ Logan Lerman, Stanley Tucci, Nathan Fillion, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, ) – 3 stars– Percy and his friends Annabeth and Grover have been at camp Half-blood for a while now.  Percy finds out he has a half brother named Tyson who is. . unique.  He is not too fond of the idea of having a brother.  He’s been butting heads with Clarisse at the camp who seems to be number one in everything there.  At the same time he realizes that there is a prophecy and something in regards to finding the golden fleece that was last seen in the sea of monsters.  He wants to go find it and save the camp from destruction too.   I DID read all the Percy Jackson books and really had enjoyed this one.  They changed things around a bit., but they did a pretty good job.  The problem with these books is that so much happens, and sometimes really quickly that it definitely holds my attention, but for the most part I think it doesn’t work too well for making movie versions.  The CG in this film was terribly done at times considering the technology we have a hold of.
content: blood shown from battles, language: “d” word, mocking people for how they look, punching, sword fighting, murder, deceit, humans being eaten by a giant

Girl Rising 2013 (documentary) – 3 stars – This documentary follows 9 girls/young women from various parts of the world who want to be heard and who may not have the opportunity or rights or freedoms that we are used to in the US.  I had wanted to see this when it was in select theatres, but honestly, a lot of it was a bit slow and boring.  I loved all the stories very much, but sometimes the narration was very monotone and dry that it made it hard to enjoy at times.  I do adore the message put across however!! It was definitely very much about human trafficking as well and I know that World Vision had a hand in working with it too (which I am a child ambassador for).  They used some interesting artistic ways of showing some of these stories which was cute.
content: graphic explanations of things witnessed by people (such as physical or sexual violence), a young girl who is a mother is shown nursing a child (a close up of it drinking from the mother’s bosom), a couple images of women dressed immodestly when talking about sexual trafficking, One girl mentions that her mother shares a husband with another woman.  There was also a mention of a grown man giving a child alcohol (nothing shown)

Kon-Tiki 2012 (w/ Pål Sverre Hagen, Anders Baasmo Christiansen, Tobias Santelmann, Gustaf Skarsgård, Jakob Oftebro, and Agnes Kittelsen) – 3.25 stars – This movie was a little odd for me to see at first because I didn’t really understand what it was going to be about.  This story is based in the late 1940s about an ethnographer named Thor Heyerdahl from Norway.  He had spent time with his wife in the Marquesas Islands doing research.  He learned about an Incan man who sailed against the current in a raft across the Pacific from the tribal people.  Inspired by the tales told to him, he worked on setting an expedition to try it out himself with a team of others who wanted to explore and test it out.  The idea was crazy, but they said that if it was done before, they could prove it could be done again.  This is the story about the journey on their raft called Kon-Tiki from Peru to the Tuamotu Islands.  It was at times a very sad movie, at times a little slow, but it was really beautiful and interesting!  The only thing about it I didn’t care for is that they showed a shark pretty much being chopped up (if it was a real shark used, I am not sure) and it was an intense scene that didn’t even happen on their journey from the journals and video recording done about the journey.  I really hope it wasn’t real, because that makes me mad.
content: smoking, drinking (no drunkenness shown), A shark being attacked brutally and cut up with much blood shown, a married couple is skinny dipping (nothing shown at all and no close ups, but you know what they are doing), a man’s bum is shown from behind, a spear is thrown at a whale, blood shown on a wound, language: hell used incorrectly, the “s” word used a few timeskon-tiki_off_to_sea_big_lg

Grand Theft Auto 1977 (w/ Ron Howard, Nancy Morgan) – 1.25 stars – Probably the first Ron Howard picture made.  There are a few Howards that show up throughout it. The film starts out with a couple that wants to get married even though the girl’s parents don’t seem to want her to marry outside of her rich society.  They steal her parents’ Rolls-Royce and book it to Vegas.  They get chased down by parents, a pastor, and a private investigator, and a “fiance” of the girl – who offers a reward for his “fiance” to be returned to him.  I suppose this is where the game got its idea from, sadly.  The entire time people steal cars to chase down the couple. The film is terrible! I like the cars in it though, but I am sad at how many of them got all smashed up throughout it.  The film was definitely from 1977! haha.
content: awkward kissing scenes (ew – it got better when they’d kiss at the end), stealing, lots of car crashing/accidents throughout, language: God’s name used profanely 6x, “s” word a few times, hell used incorrectly, the finger is given at one point

Gardens of the Night 2008 (w/ John Malkovich, Tom Arnold, Jeremy Sisto, Gillian Jacobs) – 3 stars – A little girl gets kidnapped and goes through a rough time with her captor for years as a prostituted sex slave along with another child her age who is a little boy.  This is her story.  I really enjoyed the beginning and how horrific it was and how they were able to do so without showing any content.  It was so sad and realistic.  Halfway through the movie the perspective goes into the little girl being older.  This certainly is a movie about human trafficking which is why I decided to watch it.  It was very sad and I am pretty sure it gathered a chunk of what would probably happen to a girl who is kidnapped (which is why whenever I see “Have you seen me” missing ads I get sad and usually know that the child has most likely been abducted and put into prostitution.
content: smoking, kidnapping, a little boy and little girl are in a bath together (you see above their shoulders), A little girl is filmed sleeping naked (her body is not shown), language: “f” word (several times), small “b” word, “s” word several times, a man shoots another man (you hear the bangs of the gun), a little girl gets handled violently, a little girl is raped through forced prostitution (nothing shown, but you know it happened a few times), drug use (marijuana, cocaine), sexual abuse to a child known (nothing shown ever), stealing, women in underwear and short skirts, a man in boxers, kissing, A man is watching porn (nothing shown but you can hear noises), punching (blood shown), a woman shown talking very dirty to her customer (they show right below her shoulders but you know she is straddled on the man and they show her side of her body while laying on a bed very upset (her waist and ribs and upper hips are seen), a young woman attempts to drown herself in a tub

X-Men: First Class 2011 (w/ James McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence, Kevin Bacon, Rose Byrne, Michael Fassbender, Nicholas Hoult, January Jones) – 3 stars – When a concentration camp child in Germany named Erik is selected to be tested on and primped by a Nazi scientist who is interested in his mutation, while he has one himself, this child grows with hatred and revenge on his mind.  We know this man Erik as Magneto.  He wants to use mutated people to do his bidding for evil.  You have Charles Xavier who we know as Professor X.  He has researched mutation and wants to use it for good in order to fight evil forces in the world.  This is set mainly in the 1960s (and there is a cameo of Wolverine by Hugh Jackman).  Anyway, this whole movie sets up the story of the X-men and why certain people might have branched away from one another as enemies, etc.  The story was good, but they ruined a good movie with too much sexual content (objectification of women just bugs me out in general).  Also there are plans of Americans sending missiles to Turkey and a whole story surrounding that too.  Kevin Bacon made an amazing villain and I have admiration for James McAvoy’s acting (he’s good at everything).  I love Professor X in general. He doesn’t believe in vengeance and knows that people mess up and make mistakes.  This story also shows us how Professor X gets put into a wheelchair for life.
content: Two mutants in this have a type of skin that appears to make them look naked throughout the whole movie, A whole scene sequence in Vegas of many women shown in underwear walking and lounging around for several minutes, killing (shooting, using items to stab people and more), deceit, drinking excessively at a party (drunkenness), holocaust victims shown, women in bikinis and mini-skirts and showing deep cleavage constantly, There is a go-go bar scene (more half-naked girls throughout it), language: (“f” word, “d” word, hell used incorrectly 2x, God’s name used profanely 2x) an older man kissing and groping a woman, a man kills several people by transporting them high in the air and dropping them down to their deaths, people killed by swords, naked statues shown, woman in a bed (a man kisses her and she is under a sheet that covers her), explosions of aircrafts and more

The Truman Show 1998 (w/ Jim Carrey, Laura Linney, Noah Emmerich, Ed Harris, Paul Giamatti) – 3.25 stars – I had remembered when this was in theaters. I was never interested in seeing it, but now that I finally did so, I am glad I did!  It was totally something horrific that I could see being done today with all the reality shows that seem to be aired.  Basically, the plot is about a man who’s entire life (yes entire) has been aired 24 hours a day live for all the world to see.  His life however is fabricated.  Everything that he knows was controlled around him, since his friends were hired actors and so were many others in his life.  Everyone is in on it but him.  He’s starting to see that there is more to his life, and he wants to seek a way of liberation.  Ed Harris’ character I don’t believe was well acted but at the same time it also made perfect sense that he was portrayed as he was, so I don’t know what else to say!!
content: A threat made with a knife, someone trying to murder someone publicly and trying to cause others to help, cleavage shown, drinking (no drunkenness), kissing, a baby’s bum is shown, language: (God & Jesus’ names are used blasphemously a few times, the s word 2x, hell used incorrectly, “d” word, small “a” word)trumanshow2

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About Victoria / Justice Pirate

Victoria. Anabaptist, Wife of Rob, Mom of two boys, minimalist, quilt maker, Resources Adviser/Social Media Manager for anti-human trafficking awareness organization Justice Network (justice-network.org).


films, movies, ratings, reviews


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