life · lifestyle · Relationships · Uncategorized

Abusive & Loving Relationships

“Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” -Ephesians 5:28

I used to burst out in songs by The Beatles constantly.  Whenever I got to the song “Getting Better” I had a hard time singing the lyrics.  It seemed like such a happy song, but to my seven year old little girl ears which heard, “I used to be cruel to my woman, I beat her, and kept her apart from the things that she loved,” I was in utter shock.  Men beat their wives?  Did one of the Beatles’ members beat his wife?  I couldn’t believe it.  Why would a husband ever do that?  I vowed to never marry a man who would treat me in such a way.

In reading about human trafficking every single day, I read many survivor accounts and they all talk about physical abuse they’ve received from men and women.  Many of them fall in love with their pimps and are beaten into submission to where they believe they are no good and deserve to be punished.  The mentality they put on is one I can’t fathom at all, and makes me so sad. These beautiful women suffer and I’m the type of person who would think, “Get out of that as fast as you can!”  It isn’t that easy for them though because of the trauma they have endured and the fear they live in.

This week I finished listening to an amazing audio book where a woman talked about watching her mom receive beatings. The woman stated how her own husband would rape her and physically abuse her when she refused him his desires.  She had already suffered through years of sexual abuse and sex trafficking beforehand.  I am also finishing up a book about a woman who was a sex trafficking victim, stripper, and porn star.  She talks about the horrible ways she was abused in pornography and how she hated every second of it.

In my first kitchen
Rob & I in our first kitchen when I was newly pregnant with Leto (married for two years here). He still has a habit of doing this while I cook dinners. 🙂

I am extremely affectionate with Rob and love to please him, but that is because of how well he treats me.  While to some it might seem like I am “submissive of my husband” it is more that our love for one another is so mutual that we care to help one another and listen to each other.  We are equals. At times I’ll say, “He’s the man, I’ll let him decide.” It is only because I know he thinks on behalf of the both of us that I can trust him enough to decide well (and other times I just don’t feel like deciding things).  If he were a controlling husband it would drive me absolutely nuts.  We have a really great understanding of one another and care for each other.

Rob has never abused me in any way ever.  He’s never hit me and his touch has always been very gentle. When it comes to sexual contact, he longs to please me and is always careful to not make me uncomfortable or in pain.  He speaks to me kindly and if frustrated, he walks away to cool off.  He is truly a blessing and makes my heart pump faster each day.  When I realize that not every man is like him, I feel extreme sadness for many women.

I know of those who have been hurt by husbands and decided to take stands against them by separating or divorcing them.  It was very hard for them to get to that place.  This is not a post about divorce, but just that I want to be able to gain a better understanding of domestic violence and those who endure and suffer in ways that they never should.  I want to show more compassion for them.

A woman who has to cower and feel threatened being in the same room with someone who should be kind towards them and treat them with respect is important.  I would love for every relationship to work out so much.  I am one who holds on to threads of hope for relationships because I am such a love sap.  I see now that things can’t always work out for everyone. I believe it can for some, but in such a pain-filled world, it is hard to see them come through.  There are also abusive wives too, so this is not just about the abusive men. My eldest brother had an abusive wife in his first six-year marriage back years ago now (he has been married coming up ten years this September to a sweet woman I am very thankful to have as a sister).

If you are in an abusive relationship, my advice for you is to seek help.  Go to The National Domestic Violence Hotline or go to someone you can trust who can help you out.  You are worth so much love!

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2 thoughts on “Abusive & Loving Relationships

  1. This post has such powerful and important messages. It’s very sad how common domestic abuse is. Many women have been conditioned to accept cruel treatment and that’s awful. Everyone — and every woman — deserves respect and love. Your awareness and concern for trafficking is laudable; too many ignore or are ignorant about it. Last, it’s so nice to hear about your caring relationship. Good for you two!

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