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Is Anyone Here?

I started blogging in 1999, the year I started my sophomore year of high school (nearly 17 years ago, friends).  I was so open about everything as a teenager, while having a happy, positive attitude that eventually turned sour and was too opinionated, costing me friendships I held dear.  People would scrutinize my blog so that they could find something wrong about my life to mock, but I found a lot of encouragement through that time even with the mockery in between.  And I sift.

40smamaI find that as I have matured, I type a lot less about my life and a lot less people respond or even pay attention.  I see all the blog hits, but I barely get comments.  I am so confused.  I am one who loves to communicate with people.  I like knowing what they think of me, but at the same time I want them to like me for being me.  I actually am one who needs reassurance in my life and encouragement.  I love to reassure and encourage others in return. It is who I have become. I am not one who has ever wanted to be like others but I find it so easy to respect and enjoy people for their differences.

People used to ask me for advice a lot, but now I am at an age where I get little to no advice from others and need it.

I was a lonely child and would give myself advice in the mirror.  I find myself doing that again lately when Rob is not home. I’ll talk to God and then give myself responses that I figure He’d tell me as a kind but stern loving father. In my teen years everyone had advice for me and I was so wanting it so I could become this great adult that I had planned out.  My teenage goals and dreams did come true and I am living that dream, but that doesn’t mean I have it all together at all.

IMGP2671When I was 12 I couldn’t wait to be 24.  I used to think “24 is the perfect age!”  Now I am 32 and I’m going, “Where did you go, 24?”

In my twenties everyone had so much advice for me because I was still pretty new at married life and just starting parenting (I was 24 and pregnant with Micah in the picture on the left here with Leto as a toddler). Everyone wants to tell you how you should or shouldn’t live when you hit your twenties.

I have so many questions. So many people have shown me that they don’t have any advice to offer me, and I need it.  My thirties are showing me that some of my peers don’t know what to do for me when I have been in need, giving them a loud cry for help.  People started to just look at me with blank stares and eventually walked away from my life.  The ones that have stuck around have been a large encouragement to me, and I am glad they haven’t run away.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” -Proverbs 18:24

Why do I even still have a blog after all these years?
I have all these posts in draft mode that just sit there.
I think I have considered my blog a close friend that I can’t give up.  It is a comfort even though these days are quiet.

Rob just asked me, “Thinking about ending your blog?”
There is nothing to think about. It is here to stay, but are you, reader?  Then communicate with me.

I will write about my life here, problems, joys, love, and all.

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7 thoughts on “Is Anyone Here?

  1. I think the difference between advice at 24 and advice 32 is that at 24 what people give you is general advice. “Save for the future” and “Compromise is key to a relationship’s success”. These things are great to remember, but they are much easier to give than advice on how to balance raising a child who won’t sit still, dealing with a dying relative, arguing with your spouse, and wanting to start your own project. At 32, the general advice has been heard and learned, and what is needed is more specific. Most people have learned to compromise, but far fewer have found the perfect balance in this complex system we call life. It’s hard to offer advice on something you struggle with yourself.

    As for the loss of comments, I find that as we age we become more solitary. I’m not sure why this is. It might be the time pressures of work/family/personal demands, or it may be that people find themselves less trusting of others, or simply enjoy the quiet of their own time. Regardless, I find that while we tend to have lots of friendships and relationships through highschool and college, they tend to drop of dramatically as an adult. People would rather read your posts or your Facebook status passively, than take the time to comment and interact. Reading is easy, writing can be hard.

    If it helps, I’ve never read your blog before. I stumbled on this post via Twitter, and connected very strongly with the solitude and frustration you felt. I’m signing this here, instead of in the form, because I want you to take it at face value before you see who wrote it. Peace and love, Arctic.

  2. I know how you feel as far as getting less comments on our posts. If it makes you feel any better, I was just scanning some old favorite popular blogs and they get maybe 4-5 comments on each post. Not the typical 30-50 comments before Instagram came along. It’s not you. It’s what’s become of the Internet. Blogs aren’t denying. Commenting through blogs are slowly dying because of social media. People just don’t want to read posts but instead want to look at pictures. We’ve regressed in a way as a society because of it, even though our excuse for just looking at pictures is busyness.

    We’ve just lost touch in general. Even the lengthy Christian posts I see sometimes are complete fluff. I feel ashamed for even being associated with Christians sometimes because of writing like that! lol.

    Yea, I think of giving up my blog often but it’s been around so long now that it would be a waste to end it (blog suicide? hehe). You say you get lots of hits, so leave it like that! 🙂 I actually don’t get a lot of hits. As for comments vs visitors, I read somewhere that only 1% of your visitors actually leave comments. That was reassuring but then again, I don’t get a lot of visitors :-/

    Anyway, as much as it is comforting to you to keep your blog around as your companion. Just know that a few people out there will find it comforting as well coming back to Justice Pirate and still have it around,, whether or not you actually choose to update it still. I have this one girl that comments once in a blue moon. She doesn’t have a blog and she doesn’t really come often. She just kind of updates herself in one big swoop and takes in multiple posts at once (or just picks from what she wants to read from a whole bunch she’s missed). So there are people like that, too. Ahem… that would be me.

    I wish I had the time to read each post of all the blogs I care about. I can’t even really update my own or let alone function in a day as a new mom! :-/ Egh. This too shall pass, right? Or that the responsibilities just change slightly.

    Lots of people give me advice, but I am at the new mom stage so that’s understandable. They give me too much advice actually, and I don’t like the way they give it to me as if there was no other way.

    So to answer your blog title.. I’m here! Though occasionally!

    1. Okay, that does make sense. I know you comment from time to time. Thank you for that. You tend to get a lot of comments on your blog compared to mine. I know I have hits and such, but for me those numbers aren’t large, but I see them. I definitely had way more hits when I was a fashion blogger, but I like what I do now more than then. haha.

      1. I don’t really get a lot of comments, especially lately. As long as you know people are reading (or at least skimming), it’s worth continuing 🙂 I can’t do a lot of fashion posts now. It’s too time consuming and really hard with a baby.

  3. I read every post of yours but never really comment… I like to keep up with your life but sometimes address things in our letters so I can talk about it more, and more openly, than in a comment box.

    If you like blogging still and are getting hits – keep it going! People are reading and, at least in my case, they think about what they read for days, over and over or even just randomly, so you’re still getting to them even if you’re not getting feedback. I ended my personal blog because I didn’t know what to write about anymore… I was getting hits and didn’t like it honestly, because I started it being very personal (more like LJ back in the days!) but didn’t want to put that much out there anymore. I’ve actually thought about ending my book blog and web presence because sometimes it seems so pointless to me… there is so much out there online and anyone can write whatever they want and is anyone reading my reviews and thoughts? Comments seem more crucial for that blog… but I do enjoy it (most of the time) so I haven’t ended it yet. I haven’t been that active with it either, to be fair. But I don’t expect much of it – I used to push myself to update my personal blog X times a week and felt like a failure when I wouldn’t, so I like not having expectations for myself with this blog.

    Anyway, too much rambling! I love reading your posts because they feel like more continuations of your letters. Re: advice… I agree with you. I used to get so much advice and now I don’t, like being 30+ means you have it all figured out. The best things I’ve been doing lately are watching older people – parents and older people I encounter, and see how they act and what they say. Since they’re so much older and have lived longer, they act in ways like doing/saying what they think, not regretting things, being kind…basic stuff yes, but it helps to see it exemplified in them since some of it is pretty rare. Also people who encourage me help me, because it’s kind of advice… someone at the library will encourage my work ethic or something and I take that as advice to keep doing what I’m doing, and work even harder at it.

    1. Allison, the fact that allllll these years we have kept in touch really is a valuable thing that I cherish. I love that we write one another, thought not as often as in the past, but we still do! I didn’t know you still read my blog!!!! haha. Wow.

      I can understand why you would feel that way about your book blog. That would be hard to have to review or post about books and hope that people have something to say about it.

      You are right that encouragement is sometimes like having advice…if you were doing something off, I am sure someone would say something about it.

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