Sometimes I look through my old yearbooks and read what people wrote to me. This is as a reminder of who I may want to still be or who I definitely don’t want to be anymore now that I am an adult. I guess when you see people writing in it everywhere, “Never change,” it starts to really cause you to wonder, “Why never?”
I think change is a good thing while maintaining bits and pieces of who you are from the past. I like changing. I see myself changing. I don’t think it is a bad change, and I do think I’d surprise my 16 year old self big time if she met 32 year old me. If I were out to impress 16 year old me, that would be really bad!
Therefore I have decided on three things that I have noticed are good changes in my life or are improved versions of who I once was.
1. Letting go of relationships that hurt me
I was a transitional friend in high school. All the friends that I made were ones in which others had depended on me. I was there to help them. When they were down, I’d cheer them up. If they needed some help in their lives, I was there for them to hear their problems. Yet, these actually weren’t friendships at all. I was being their helpline. That was okay though and those people needed me. I shouldn’t have been so surprised when they moved on and pushed me away, but I was. I held on to that pain a lot. I liked being needed.
I started to shift in my late twenties where I wanted friendships to be caring towards me to the point where I didn’t really reach out to them any longer, other than a select few. I realized I had a lot of bruises in my childhood and needed people to depend on, but in sharing my hurts with them, they often didn’t know how to handle me. In opening up in my own views on things, they didn’t know what to do about things that opposed their own mindsets. They shut me out and closed doors on me and it put more gashes on my heart. I call this the life-sucking friend, which is what I had become.
I had to start to let go of those pains without depending on friends and instead by depending on God more seriously. I had to stop holding on to hopes for friendships or people that I thought I needed in my life or I couldn’t survive without. It wasn’t until I stepped back and let things go that I could grow. It wasn’t until I was able to be thankful for what I had with those people, that I felt a peace from God on my life! When I let those things go, I started to treat others and myself better.
It is crazy that I went from thinking for a while that I had no friends, to realizing I actually have a lot of friends (most live in other states now, but that is okay! I don’t have to stress about that at all). The friends I do have actually really are very caring and know I care for them and love them too. It is okay to not have to talk or hang out constantly. They are sensational, valuable people. I like that I can be an encouragement to their lives and that they reach out to encourage me too. We can accept the other’s varying viewpoints and differences too! I feel a great peace about my friendships! This is something I haven’t had ever!
2. Eating healthier
My mom recently found a writing assignment I did in second grade. She showed it to me and laughed. I wrote that if I could have anything for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; they would be cookies, ice cream, and brownies. My mentality had never changed. In my adult life I would literally eat cookies for breakfast and lunch, yet an actual meal for dinner.
I am branching out little by little. I never thought I’d love to eat zucchini, eggplant, broccoli, or even a bell pepper, but here I am doing that now. It hasn’t been easy and I am seriously just starting on this journey, but it is important.
I suffer from two hemorrhoids, one which I’ve had for nearly four years come this August. The other I’ve had for nearly two years. It has been very painful at times where I can’t walk due to flair-ups and need to be in bed with my feet up and other days I forget I have them and can run about as my normal self. One of the biggest factors for having them is a bad diet! I am “fixing” them and seeing an improvement because of my diet. I have a lot less pain as well because of it.
Instead of wanting to eat Fair Trade chocolate all day long, I am eating Bear Naked when I want to stuff my face. I never thought I’d want to munch on seeds and nuts as a snack. Instead of having chocolate milk every morning, I’m just drinking water. Little things and habits of mine are changing.
My body is changing as I age and so therefore my diet has to change for the better as well as proper exercise (which I really need to get a good handle on in general). Even though I am still thin, it doesn’t mean that I am healthy at all. I am eating better than I ever have before which has caused for some weight gain.
3. Caring for my moods keeps the peace
I am a mood swing of craziness at times. I had been very energetic and joyous in demeanor until motherhood. I drain out faster than normal and my moods have changed. I never thought that I’d want to lock myself in a room away from people, but it has come to me wanting to be alone more often lately (and I am an extreme extrovert, so wow). I had always been a very patient person, but teaching two boys who test me daily causes me to snap a lot more than I thought I’d ever do. I am actually in shock at myself in this area. I get upset with myself often.
I have realized my issues stem from slacking off in my time spent in prayer. I am depending more on myself than on being Christ-like and it has certainly caused an issue in my moods. I am working on efforts to focus more on pouring it out to God when I am angry so that it doesn’t instead go towards my children. One of my summer goals has been to start a prayer journal. I have it at the top of my wishlist and hope to get it this week.
Another way I am caring for my moods is through uses of essential oils. I have been an oil user since I was about 12 (I have put strawberry oil on my body as perfume since about that time – though I am sad I can’t find the exact scent that used to drive Rob wild when we started dating when he made me put some on his jacket so he could smell me when I wasn’t with him). I really love that my sons and husband will say, “We need to burn some oil in here. Can we burn the ‘breathe easier‘ one since I am feeling congested?”
I never thought about the health and mood values oils have. I have been using oils in my homemade household products for close to a year. I’ve been using them as forms of medicine, de-stressers, mood lifters, and ailment treatments. I actually really love them! I can tell a difference from when I use them and times when I haven’t. It is neat that God created certain plants that we can get oils from to help us with so many varying issues to improve our health!