When none of your dresses or pants fit you anymore and you are already a minimalist as it is and had barely a thing to wear. . .and now you have to spend money on new clothes because your body suddenly decides to change on you, what are you to do????
I bought this Lula Roe dress at my friend’s little party she had at her home recently. Lula Roe is an ethical company that is careful about their sourcing. This is called the Nicole style dress. I like how it fits me because it is very much like my favorite dress I had in high school (completely different color and all, but the same exact cut otherwise).
I am actually not happy with my body. I had been the same size since middle school other than while having children. I feel so foreign in my own skin now. Once upon a time I dreamed of having breasts and a bum (and a more normal body), and now I have them and say, “Go back to what you are used to, body!”
I feel like I finally look my age, and now people don’t think I am my kids’ nanny or babysitter. I look over 30 (which I am) instead of as if I just entered my 20s, and all it took was three months of my body to change to do it in.
Although Rob enjoys my more curvy body (he’d love me if I weighed 500 pounds), and women keep saying, “Well you’re still skinny! I wish I had your figure! Embrace your body,” I can’t accept it, even if it is more “classic” looking (think Virginia Mayo). I am not at that point where I feel comfortable in my skin because this is new for me. May in time I will, but I am not there yet.
I enjoy the fact that I am working out now and getting more in shape again, but my body has not shrunk yet, and maybe I am expecting a faster change for someone who used to bounce back quickly after having children. I’ve been working out for a month and a half and thought by now I’d have smaller thighs and hips. I even had to buy my first sports bra ever because my breasts are so sore whilst exercising (never had that before).
I like who I am as a person and never thought I’d be on a diet, but here I am living without breads, have disregarded most meats, and am eating veggies regularly. It is hard. I will say that I naturally gain more weight in the summer and lose it in the winter (I know most are the opposite, but I have been that way since childhood). This is probably the only thing I am looking forward to in the winter (getting back to my normal-for-me body, if it even happens).
I don’t compare my body to others and never have been envious of other people’s bodies. Now I am comparing my body to my own former body here and there and it makes me sad. Ugh. I realize that as we age, our bodies normally change. How can I better love the body I have now and see God’s beauty and love in how I am in appearance currently? Oh, God, help me to accept my body more!