How do I live in a purposeful way with those who are in my life?
How can I make peace with those who I feel hurt by or who I have broken relationships with and once felt close to?
How do I mend the life I have in order to walk forward?
I want to resolve the pain.
But I get it.
I get that I had messed up relationships when I was at some of my worst moments and did not choose the right people to go to when in pain.
I get that I was in such a bad place during those times that I did not take them into consideration. I was self consumed by my own pain.
I get that I am intense.
I get that the person I was just a few years ago was really hurting so deeply and just wanted someone to pull her out.
I am currently finishing up reading a beautifully written book that my Anabaptist friend Osheta Moore wrote. It comes out in October (I feel so special that I get to read it now). It is called Shalom Sistas (go pre-order it). She talks about wholeheartedness and how to live as peacemakers with others and ourselves. I have been laughing, crying, and enjoying her book so much, that it reminds me of some of these broken relationships I have with people who were important to me at one time.
God has mended some of my broken relationships and has been healing my pain miraculously. Some of my best friends are people who did not talk to me for a time. I am so relieved and thankful for them being in my life. Healing can happen.
There are others that I am okay with not being close to anymore. I just let them know that I care for them and that I am sorry for anything that I did to make them distance themselves. Many of these people who have hurt me, or whom I once hurt, have forgiven me or asked for forgiveness. It gives me so much peace.
If I did not break first, I would not have the healing I feel now.
What I love the most is that Christ pursues me and meets me at my worst and my best.
I feel the most content over relationships with others now, than ever before.
I feel alive because I allow God to mold me, teach me, and fix me.